As mentioned in previous posts, there are certain beliefs that guide me thru life. One that I have discovered lately is that I am only responsible for my own thoughts, words and actions. Even if I go back to the moon and back, I can never control another person's thoughts, words and actions.
I know this, but I still allow another person's actions to influence my moods and happiness. I know sometimes, it is difficult to just be open about our feelings and our mistakes but today am gonna be vulnerable and expose my feelings.
Over the last couple of weeks, Mr b/f has really been acting weird and all crazy on me. Usually, it reaches a point where I just wanna talk and tell him all that is going on in my head. We then hold a meeting, where I do almost all the talking and at the very end, he says that he knows he is wrong and that he will put in more effort to make things better. We then go to sleep and the next day is as if nothing happened. Things get back to normal and its just like before we had the talk. Two days later, he does something that makes me angry and I cry, usually after he leaves for work. In the evening, we talk about it, he acts as if nothing happened and does not even apologize. The apology only comes when I ask about the same thing later. It has now become a cycle where I am only waiting for something else to happen, I cry, we talk and everything goes back to the way it was. I hate this situation and I know I deserve better.
However, one thing that I have realized is that I always hope that he will change and that he will show more willingness towards making things better. When he does not change, I then try to make him change by trying to treat him so nicely just to see if he will reciprocate.
But now am done, I have finally accepted that I cannot control his actions and that I cannot make him do something he does not want to do. Maybe he just does not want this to work or this is who he is. So, I accept it and I will not try to make him change any more. This does not mean that I do not love and care for him. In fact, I do, very much and this is why I will accept his choices. And then choose how I want to proceed with my life from there.
I have come to know that, we must always give the other person the freedom to make their own choices and if their choices do not make us happy, then we have a choice to make too. Look for something else or stay and accept that this is the person they have become.
I accept that I cannot change my boyfriend and I am not in any way responsible for the choices he makes. I am only responsible for my own choices.